Ready or Not
by ForeverRobsessed
Summary: When Bella has to choose between her life-long beliefs and the love of her life, what will she decide?


**Hello Readers! **

**So, finally, it's the Holiday Season! Here's a little Christmas one-shot for you. I'd written this for the Mistletoe Contest.**

**Thanks PTB for beta'ing.**

**A huge thanks to the wonderful dazzled eyes22 for pre-reading this :)**

**And finally, thank you to all those who voted/reviewed/favorited/followed this story in the contest!**

**DISCLAIMER - The author does not own any of the publicly recognizable entities herein. No copyright infringement is intended.**

I woke up to the feeling of warm lips placing soft kisses along the length of my spine. I squirmed and giggled as they reached that ticklish spot at the small of my back. I opened my eyes and turned to face my boyfriend, who gave me a wide grin and leaned in to peck my lips softly.

"Good morning, beautiful," Edward whispered.

I smiled and stretched. "Mmm…good morning."

My hand went to the back of his head and I ran my fingers through his bronze locks, pulling his lips to mine in a soft kiss. He pulled away after a minute, but I didn't complain. I knew he had to be at the office early today.

"Have you finished packing?" he asked me. It was the day before Christmas, and we were heading to Forks to celebrate it with Edward's family.

"Almost, just a few things left."

"Great. I just have that one presentation for the day. I'll be home by three, and then we can leave for Forks." He gave me my favorite crooked smile before getting up and heading into the bathroom to get ready.

I stayed in bed for a few more minutes, then got up and headed to the kitchen, getting started on our breakfast. I had a stack of pancakes ready by the time Edward came in and we sat down to eat.

He talked about the presentation, regarding the latest advertising campaign his company had designed for a leading fast food chain. I told him about my plans to go shopping with Alice.

He chuckled at that. "You're going shopping with the pixie? If we want to be home for Christmas tomorrow, love, we have to leave this afternoon. Are you sure you'll be done by then?"

Clearly, he knew his little sister well.

I rolled my eyes, and said, "I'm already done with my shopping, but Alice always keeps coming up with something or the other that she needs to buy. Last night, she said that she needs me to choose one of few dresses she liked since she is unable to do it herself. Knowing her, she'll end up buying more than one, regardless of what I say. Don't worry, though. If she's not done by 2pm, I'm leaving her there and taking a cab home."

He laughed at my disgruntled expression and stood up. "That's a good idea, love. Alright, I've got to leave now. I'll call you when the meeting's over." He leaned down and pecked my lips. "Love you. Bye."

"Love you too, Edward." He picked up his laptop bag and I bid him goodbye as he left.

After clearing up the table, I took a shower. I dressed in my most comfortable pair of jeans and put on a blue, long-sleeved t-shirt. Then, as I packed up the remaining items, my eyes fell on Edward's suitcase. My eyes narrowed as I looked at the little lock on the chain.

He'd informed me that his gift was in there and he didn't want me to get the slightest idea of what it was. He knew I was not a fan of surprises, but he seemed really excited and even giddy about what he'd found for me. I just hoped he didn't spend a lot of money on it. I was very curious, but for once in my life, I didn't want to ruin the suspense. Edward's happiness was far more important, so I let it go.

At 11:00, I donned my thick coat and headed to Alice's office. She had started her own event management company a couple of years back. Since it was just a few blocks away, I decided to walk. When I reached there, the receptionist, Kim, smiled and informed me that Alice was alone in her office, so I could go in. I thanked her and went in the direction of Alice's cabin. I was about to knock on the door when I heard her high-pitched squeal from inside.

"Oh, I'm _so_ excited, big brother. I can't wait to plan the wedding!"

I froze, my hand still raised to knock.

Emmett was the eldest of the Cullen siblings, but he married Rosalie Hale almost twelve years ago.

She was talking to Edward- of course she was.

"Of course, she'll say yes. I know what she said at the time, but it's been years since then. I'm sure she'll be really happy. You're proposing on Christmas; it's so romantic!"

My mind processed the information slowly.

_Edward was planning to propose._

_Marriage. _

_That was his big surprise for me._

_On Christmas._

_In front of his family._

_. _

_._

_._

_._

_And I was going to say no._

My heart pounded furiously and my breath hitched as I realized that the day I'd been dreading for years was finally here.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts and then quickly turned around and walked away. With shaking fingers, I sent off an apologetic message to Alice, making an excuse about some last minute errand, opting out of the shopping trip.

I walked back home in a daze and plopped down on the couch in the living room, my thoughts running haywire.

I _knew_ it would happen sometime. The thought was always there in the back of my mind that a day would come when Edward would be tired of accommodating my fears, when he would want more than what I could give him.

We'd been together for over ten years now, since we'd met in senior year at Forks High School. I'd moved to Forks to stay with my dad, Charlie Swan, after my mother Renee's third marriage ended in a bitter divorce. Soon after, she met Phil Dwyer- a minor league baseball player. I was tired of her flighty nature, and she wanted to travel with Phil for his games. So, I moved from dry, sunny Phoenix to the little rainy town in Washington.

Upon arriving in Forks, I realized that my father had put up a show of happiness every time I'd met him during vacations. Living with him every day, I could see and feel his loneliness- his misery. Although Renee had lost interest in him, Charlie had never stopped loving her. He'd only let her go because he couldn't stand to see her miserable in his little town and their simple life. Renee had always wanted big things in life, and he didn't want to stand in the way of that, no matter how much it hurt him.

That was when I'd forever lost any belief I had in the institution of marriage.

Having witnessed my father's plight, I could never lose faith in true love. I'd always believed it existed, and I had found it with Edward, but I'd seen it over and over: the magic of love ruined somehow by the expectations in a marriage.

Edward and I attended UDub in Seattle and moved in together after college, but I'd told him repeatedly in the beginning about my views on marriage. He knew it wasn't in the cards for me, and he had accepted it. He told me he could live without a legal certificate as long as he had me for the rest of our lives, which I happily promised him.

I'd hoped that loving him with all my heart would be enough. Yet, in the back of my mind, the fear always lingered that one day he'd want to move forward in our relationship. I'd always pushed those thoughts away, though, because I knew that I would lose him when that happened.

And now, my nightmare was turning into my reality. I had no idea how to deal with it. I didn't know how I'd cope if he left me, but I also didn't know how to let go of the notion I had believed in for so long.

Could I do it? Could I be a good wife to Edward if I doubted the very idea of marriage?

I didn't think so, and knowing that, if I went ahead with the wedding, it would be the worst thing I could do to Edward.

I was brought out of my morose thoughts when my phone chimed with a message. I looked at the time and realized that I'd been sitting there for almost two hours. I dropped my face into my hands and let out a frustrated groan.

I looked at the message and found that it was from Edward. His meeting had finished earlier than expected, so he said would be home in about half an hour.

I took a deep breath and put on a brave face, heading into the kitchen to make us some sandwiches for lunch. I decided to think about the issues only when I absolutely had to, putting on a happy mask in front of Edward and his family until then.

Having worked in a pre-school for two years before I landed my current job in a private high school, pretending was something I could manage. No matter how much a child's constantly-changing moods affected us, we were required to always deal with them with a smile and endless patience.

When Edward arrived, I used the same skills, smiling as widely as I could as he narrated how successful his meeting had been and that the client was happy with their proposals. I managed to deflect questions about Alice, telling him that I'd managed to bow out of the shopping trip with an excuse. He didn't question me further.

We finished our lunch and headed out.

A few hours later, Edward stopped the car in front of the Cullen house. It was beautiful with its ivory white walls and large glass windows. A colorful garden stretched out in the front. The house had a certain old-worldly charm, and on this day, it was decorated with series of little, multi-colored lights. A gorgeous wreath hung on the door.

The Cullens took their holidays seriously.

Ever since I'd met them for the first time, they'd warmly welcomed me into the family and I was glad for that. The special bond and love they shared was not something I'd experienced before, so I considered myself lucky that I could be a part of it.

_This might be the last Christmas I spent with them._

I felt a sharp stab of pain when the thought entered my mind unbidden. With great effort, I suppressed it the best I could as Edward came to my side and opened my door.

He took my hand and squeezed it gently.

"Are you alright, love? You've been so quiet the entire ride," he asked me, concern etched on his fine features.

I raised a finger to his brow, straightening away the worry lines there. "I'm fine, baby. Please don't worry. Just tired after a hectic week and ready to get into the holiday mode."

He smiled at my reassurance and kissed my forehead, believing my explanation. "Okay. Let's get you inside and then you can rest. Well, after the family has had their fill of you."

I giggled. "Like that's a hardship. You know I love your family."

"I'm glad. And they are your family too, Bella."

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and we walked to the door.

The door was opened before we could knock by Edward's mother, Esme. She let out an excited squeal, much like her daughter, and wrapped Edward and me in a tight, motherly hug.

"I'm so happy to see the two of you," she said, pulling us inside the house.

We entered the living room where Emmett and his son, Daniel, were completely engrossed in a video game. Carlisle stood up and greeted us, smiling warmly.

Suddenly, Daniel let out a loud whoop and Emmett groaned. I deduced that he'd lost the game to his son. A look at the flat screen where "Game Over" was flashing confirmed my hypothesis.

Dan rushed over to Edward and me with a huge smile on his face.

"Uncle Edward! Aunt Bella! I missed you so much," he gushed.

"We missed you too, buddy," I said and hugged him while Edward ruffled his blond hair.

Dan had been calling me "Aunt Bella" for years now. He was too little to understand our relationship when he started doing it and it'd stuck since then. I didn't mind it much, so we never bothered to correct him.

Just then, Rose walked out of the kitchen with Lily, her three-year old daughter, in her arms. She was the perfect combination of both her parents with Rosalie's blue eyes and Emmett's dark hair.

Edward took Lily in his arms, while I greeted Rosalie. I kissed Lily's chubby little cheek and she gave me a toothy grin. I looked up to see Edward smiling at me with a twinkle in his eyes as he watched me interact with the baby and I quickly looked away.

We settled down and talked for a while. I asked about Alice, and Esme informed me that she was on her way along with her boyfriend, Jasper.

Once they arrived, we sat down for dinner, consisting of delicious pot roast with carrots, beans and mashed potatoes. Tired from the journey, everyone decided to retire early.

Edward and I headed up to his old room. Before I could enter, his hand wrapped around my wrist and stopped me. His large hands cupped my face and he looked intently into my eyes.

"Is everything alright, love? I know you said before that you're tired, but… You seem a little different, Bella. Like there's something bothering you. You can talk to me about anything; you know that, right?"

_Of course he would pick up on it. _

I placed my hands on his and tried to reassure him. "I'm fine, baby. It's just, well, being with your family for the holidays reminds me of my own childhood and the things I missed out on. I'd always longed for a family like this one, and I'm so glad to be with them, but it gets a little overwhelming sometimes. That's all."

I could see that he wasn't entirely convinced, but he chose to believe me.

"Okay, love, if you're sure that's all it was."

I nodded and he squeezed my hand before leading me into the room.

We both finished our nightly routines before snuggling beneath the covers. I relished the feeling of his arms wrapped around me, laying my head against his warm chest.

Needing to feel more of him in my desperate state, I wound my fingers in Edward's hair and pulled his lips to mine. He groaned as my tongue traced his lips and parted them in invitation, which I gladly accepted.

I moaned as his tongue languidly stroked mine. My arms tightened around his neck as I poured every bit of my love into the kiss.

We broke apart after a few minutes. We never had sex in his parents' house since neither of us was very comfortable with that.

As we both gasped to catch our breath, Edward's eyes looked intently into mine. I could see the concern in his emerald orbs. I wondered if he had felt my anxiety, my fear in the kiss. I stroked his cheek and smiled in what I hoped was a reassuring manner.

He cupped my face in his palm for a moment before leaning in to press his lips against my forehead.

"I love you, Bella," he whispered against my skin.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to prevent the tears that welled up from falling. "I love you too, Edward," I said.

I turned onto my side, pressing my back to his chest and snuggling into him as his arm wrapped around my waist, wishing the morning would never come and we could stay like that forever.

I was roused from my fitful sleep by two _very_ excited children knocking on the door of every room in the house, yelling "It's Christmas!"

I woke Edward up, who somehow managed to sleep through the racket. We got ready as soon as we could, and then headed down to the kitchen.

Alice greeted us first and put Santa hats on our heads. We wished everyone a "Merry Christmas" at the breakfast table, where the kids were eagerly scarfing down their food, so that they could quickly get to open the presents.

All the traditions were followed – from stockings and egg-nog to Christmas music playing softly on the radio.

After the meal, everyone headed to the living room, where the beautiful tree had been set up. It was decorated with red, silver and green ornaments as well as popcorn strings made by the kids-with Alice's help, of course.

Daniel and Lily immediately ran for the gift boxes. Edward took my hand and led me to the doorway, where we stood under the mistletoe.

_Of course there was mistletoe hanging in every doorway of the house._

I giggled at his cheesiness. His smile was bright as he pulled me closer and leaned in to kiss my lips softly. I heard a clicking sound and we broke apart to see Esme with a camera pointed at us and Alice bouncing on her toes behind her. Every other couple took turns, getting pictures clicked while kissing beneath the mistletoe, before we joined the kids under the tree and began exchanging presents.

I received a delicate chain with a beautiful diamond-studded pendant from Carlisle and Esme, a bracelet from Rosalie and Emmett, and a spa voucher from Alice and Jasper.

Finally, Edward got up from where he was sitting beside me on the couch and picked up something from the pile of gifts sitting beside the tree. He kept it behind his back, so I couldn't see it.

My heart pounded furiously as he kneeled in front of me. I held my breath as he began to speak.

"Bella, I love you so much. You've brought immeasurable joy to my life. It's been ten years since you agreed to give me a chance and I've fallen more and more in love with you every single day since then."

My eyes filled with tears at the adoration shining in his emerald ones.

"So, today I want to give you something that I hope is as special to you as you are to me."

He brought his out hand from behind his back and placed something in my lap.

I looked down. It was…_ rectangular_?

Definitely not a ring.

My hands shook as I tore open the wrapping paper.

It was a book.

Not just any book…My favorite book.

_Wuthering Heights._

_First edition._

I gasped out loud, my hand flying to my mouth as I took in those words.

_He'd gotten me the first edition of my all-time favorite book._

_Not a ring. _

I looked up at him to see his anxious eyes gazing intently at my face, gauging my reaction. I smiled at him and wrapped my arms tightly around him, thanking him over and over for the wonderful gift. The watch I'd given him was nothing in comparison to this.

He released a relieved sigh and hugged me back, telling me he was glad I liked it.

I pulled back and stroked his cheek thanking him once again and pecked his lips. He sat back down beside me and I snuggled into him.

Emmett cleared his throat and stood up. "I have an announcement to make." All eyes turned to him as Rosalie stood up and took his hand.

"You all know Rosie and I had a simple wedding. It was not everything she'd dreamed of since her childhood, but it was what she wanted at that time, under the circumstances."

Edward had told me about it; Rosalie had gotten pregnant just after high school. As soon as Emmett knew, he was down on one knee, ready to marry her and make a family of their own, and Rosalie had happily accepted his proposal. However, her parents-Richard and Laura Hale-had been extremely angry and refused to be a part of the wedding. Rosalie did not want to have a lavish wedding without her parents' presence, so they'd gotten married in a fairly simple ceremony.

Emmett continued, "It's been years since Rick and Laura had made their peace with us, so this Christmas, I decided to gift my wife the wedding that she'd envisioned for herself since she was a little girl. I proposed to her last night and she said yes." He kissed the back of Rosalie's hand. "So, in six months' time, we will be renewing our vows and we invite you all to give us your blessing."

Alice shot out of Jasper's lap and squealed as she hugged Rosalie, already talking about colors and dresses. I stood up with Edward and congratulated both of them in a daze. My phone chimed with Mom's ringtone so I used it as an excuse to rush up to our room.

I ignored the call and plopped down on the bed in shock as the pieces fell into place in my head.

_Emmett was going to propose to Rosalie on Christmas._

_I'd overheard Alice talking to Emmett on the phone. _

_Edward never planned to propose to me._

I tried to analyze my feelings about the revelation, but I couldn't make sense of any of it. I should be relieved, ecstatic even that Edward was still respecting my wishes. I wasn't going to lose him anytime soon. He was happy with the way things were.

_Then why did I still feel a sharp stab of pain in my heart? Things were going the way I wanted them to. Then why did I fell a tad bit disappointed? _

My phone rang again, and this time, I picked it up.

"Mom?"

"Bella! Merry Christmas, honey!"

"Merry Christmas, Mom. How are you? And Phil?"

"We're fine, honey. What about you? How are you and Edward doing?"

"We're good, Mom. We're in Forks with his family."

"Bella, is everything alright? You sound upset, honey."

I tried to speak despite the lump in my throat. "I don't know, Mom; I just don't know what's wrong with me."

"Tell me. What's going on?"

And so I did. I repeated everything that had happened in the past two days, not holding back at all.

"But Bella, why did you not want him to propose? You've been together for so long and you're exactly right for each other. Why do you doubt that?"

I was stunned. "Mom! Do you even hear yourself? I can't believe you're asking me this. I know we're right for each other, but… how could I possibly have any faith in the institution of marriage when I've seen three of yours fail miserably in front of my eyes? I saw how Dad could never forget you and was unable to move on even years after your divorce. I also saw how easily _you_ could move on from one person to another after each of your marriages fell apart, when the attraction faded away and all that was left was resentment. I know I'll never be able to move on from Edward if that happened to us…How could I possibly want to get married?" I ranted.

Mom was silent for a few beats, but then spoke in a soft voice, "You've answered your own question, Bella. You saw me marry men I did not truly love- _that_ was why I could move on. But honey, you know in your heart, you could not love anyone else like you love Edward. You would be heartbroken if you ever lost him. That is _exactly _the reason why you should want to marry him. Because he _is_ the one for you. Anyone who has seen the two of you together can vouch for the fact that he feels exactly the same about you."

I was flabbergasted as she continued. "You're not like me, Bella, you never have been. You're not completely like Charlie, either. Once you know what you want, you stick by your decision. Commitment was never your problem, darling. Sure, you'll make mistakes in your marriage, and Edward will, too. That's a given, but the two of you have what it takes to make it last. Don't let my mistakes cloud your judgment, Bella. You have happiness within your reach; don't let it go."

I hadn't even realized that I'd been crying until I felt the moisture on my cheeks.

I cleared my throat. "Thank you, Mom-so much."

"I know I haven't been the best mother, but I love you, honey. I always have."

"I love you, too, Mom."

"Now go and talk to him, okay, darling? I know I'm not the best person to give relationship advice-" I had to chuckle at that, and she laughed with me, "-but I'll say one thing. Always be honest with him. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship."

"That's really good advice, Mom. I take it everything's good between you and Phil?"

She laughed again. "Yeah, it's all good. Really good."

"I'm glad. I've got to go now, Mom, or Edward will get worried and come looking for me. Thanks again for everything. I'll talk to you later. Give Phil my best wishes."

"Of course, darling. Have a great day and enjoy the holidays!"

"You, too."

I bid her goodbye and hung up.

I'd never had such a conversation with Renee. She'd always been more of a friend rather than a mother, but today, she'd given me the best advice I could've gotten.

She was absolutely right. I'd never been like her, and yet, all these years, I'd created my beliefs by putting myself in her position.

The reason why I'd felt disappointed on knowing the truth today was that _I was ready_.

I was ready to commit myself to Edward. I'd loved him for so long and I knew I always would. I trusted him with my life and I knew he'd rather die than hurt me. We'd always taken care of each other and that would never change.

The only change that marriage would bring about was that I would tie myself to him in every way humanly possible.

That was something I'm sure Edward had always wanted and he'd been ready to give it up forever for my sake.

But now, I was ready.

I was ready to do this, and not just for his sake.

I was ready to move ahead in our relationship _because I wanted it, too._

I smiled, excited and rushed to the door, only to run into Edward's hard chest.

"Whoa!" His arms wrapped around me in a flash, preventing me from falling on my ass. "Bella, love, are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You've been up here for forty-five minutes. What's going on, Bella? I know something's been bothering you since we came here and don't even try to tell me it's nothing. Please, talk to me, Bella," he said, desperation clear in his voice.

My hands cupped his face. "Listen to me. I have something to tell you, but please, baby, let me get it all out. Please don't interrupt me."

He nodded, worry still etched on his handsome features. "What is it?"

I took a deep breath and started telling him everything that had happened since I went to Alice's office yesterday. I explained exactly how afraid I'd been at the thought of refusing his proposal and losing him. He was about to say something, but I placed a finger on his lips to remind him what he'd agreed to.

"When you gave me the book today and Emmett made his announcement I realized I'd misunderstood, but I couldn't figure out exactly what I felt. I should've been happy, relieved and yet, some part of me was upset."

I paused and he took that opportunity to speak. "But, Bella, I know how you feel about marriage. You told me long ago, and I agreed to it. I'd never push you, love. All I want and need is you in my life. The title does not matter."

I smiled and stroked his face. "But this was just the push I needed, baby. To rethink what I want from my life. I talked to Mom and she made me realize that I was already one hundred percent committed to you. Being married to you would change nothing, other than the fact that we would be tied together in every way humanly possible, and that is not something I'm afraid of. I'm already yours in every way. I want it, Edward. Whenever you're ready, I want to be your wife."

His eyes were wide and I could clearly read the astonishment in them. "You're- you're saying that you want to get married?"

"Yes. I'm not saying it has to be now, but whenever you are ready to ask me, my answer will be yes."

"Oh, Bella!" he whispered. "Are you sure, love? I never want this to be something you will regret. You don't need to do this for me, you know that, right? I'm happy with you now. I don't need it to be official to-"

"Shhh!" I interrupted him. "I won't regret it. You're the love of my life, Edward, and I want to spend my life with you. I know we'll make mistakes, but we'll fix them together and it'll strengthen our relationship. I want to be married to you. So, Edward Anthony Cullen, will you marry me?"

"How the hell can someone's beliefs change like this in an hour?" he muttered in shock, probably not realizing he said it out loud.

I bit my lip and shrugged lightly. "I had an epiphany of sorts. You still haven't answered my question."

His smile was blinding. "Of course, I will marry you, Isabella Marie Swan. On one condition."

"What's that?"

"You have to let me have my moment. I am going to get down on one knee and propose to you properly once I have a ring for you."

I giggled and nodded. "Sure. I don't want to steal Em and Rose's thunder today, anyway. So we can announce our engagement once you've proposed to me."

He lifted me up into his arms and looked up. I followed his gaze and smiled.

My arms wrapped tightly around his neck as he pressed his lips to mine, sealing our promise with a tender kiss beneath the mistletoe that hung in the doorway.

As we broke apart, he swung me around happily, both of us wearing huge, matching grins on our faces. He put me down just as I was feeling dizzy. An amusing thought entered my head and I snickered.

Edward raised his eyebrows in question.

"Two weddings to plan in less than a year. Alice is going to faint."

We laughed together and walked downstairs hand in hand to celebrate the rest of the day with our family.

**A/N: Well...?**

**Leave me you thoughts in a review.**

**And Happy Holidays to everyone!**

**Thanks for reading.**


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